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Infidelity in marriage: Who is to blame?

Calister Nwaneri
Infidelity or cheating has many definitions.
 Mariam Webster dictionary defines Infidelity as the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one’s husband, wife, or partner.
Cheating occurs when there is an agreement between two partners to be in a monogamous relationship and one partner violates the agreement and engages in sexual or emotional intimacy with someone outside the relationship.
Oftentimes,  people only think of sexual relations as cheating, yet sharing emotional intimate parts of oneself with someone outside the relationship can also be considered as cheating.
However, cheating doesn’t mean the end to a relationship, I believe it can be repaired if both partners are willing to do the work it out.
There is a common misconception that it’s only men who step out on their partners and that women are always faithful.
To that, I say: Who are all these men cheating with exactly? Do married men and men in committed relationships only cheat with single women?
The simple truth is that approximately as many married  women cheat as married men.
Research suggests that 10 to 20 percent of men and women in marriages or other committed (monogamous) relationships will actively engage in sexual activity outside of their primary relationship.
And these numbers are likely under-reported, possibly by a wide margin.
In Nigeria especially, cheating amongst women is not often discussed in comparison to cheating in men.
 Mr. Obiukwu, a married man living in Lagos, in his own words, has this to say about cheating women.
“The ratio at which married men to women cheat is almost at par. The difference is secrecy, women are more coded and would most times or never flaunt it unlike a man who sees cheating with other women as a quest to conquer or some sort of ego thing”.
Franklin is a bachelor in Lagos who works hard and hardly stays at home except on weekends.
 That does not stop his 30-something-year-old married neighbour from  making a pass at him.
“My neighbour – a pretty married woman,  would always try to initiate conversation with me and when that didn’t work, she got my phone number from our gate man and kept calling me for a hangout with her.
“She even invited me to go with her to an event at her place of work. I always politely rejected her advances. Maybe if I had rudely rebuffed her, she would have kept a distance,” says the Lagos big boy.
The married woman was still on his case at the time of writing this piece.
Femi has a similar story and so does Abdullah, both of whom have been hit on by married women in their 30’s and 50’s respectively.
An independent survey also conducted in Africa by AE affirms the fact that Nigeria with a population of over 160 million, tops the chart for cheating women.
Corruption and a general distrust amongst citizens is largely responsible for this.
None of that, of course, explains why women cheat. Nor does it address the fact that women and men often cheat for very different reasons.
So Why Do Women Cheat?
From surveys carried out over the years, typically, females step out on a committed partner for one or more of the following reasons:
• They feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. They feel more like a housekeeper, nanny or financial provider than a wife or girlfriend. So they seek an external situation that validates them for who they are, rather than the services they perform.
• They crave intimacy. Women tend to feel valued and connected to a significant other more through non-sexual, emotional interplay (talking, having fun together, being thoughtful, building a home and social life together, etc.) than sexual activity.
When they’re not feeling that type of connection from their primary partner, they may seek it elsewhere.
• They are overwhelmed by the needs of others. Recent research about women who cheat indicates that many women, despite stating that they deeply love their spouses, their home, their work, and their lives, cheat anyway.
These women often describe feeling so under-supported and overwhelmed by having to be all things to all people at all times that they seek extramarital sex as a form of life-fulfilment.
• They are lonely. Women can experience loneliness in a relationship for any number of reasons. Maybe their spouses work long hours or travel for business on a regular basis, or maybe their spouses are emotionally unavailable.
Whatever the cause, they feel lonely maybe their spouses  are emotionally unavailable. Whatever the cause, they feel lonely, and they seek connection through infidelity to fill the void.
• They expect too much from a primary relationship. Some women have unreasonable expectations about what their primary partner and relationship should provide.
They expect their spouses to meet their every need 24/7, 365 days a year, and when that doesn’t happen, they seek attention elsewhere.
• They are responding to or re-enacting early-life trauma and abuse. Sometimes women who experienced profound early-life (or adult) trauma, especially sexual trauma, will re-enact that trauma as a way of trying to master or control it.
• They’re not having enough satisfying sex at home. There is a societal misconception that only men enjoy sex. But plenty of women also enjoy sex, and if they’re not getting it at home, or it’s not enjoyable to them, for whatever reason, they may well seek for it elsewhere.
As with male cheaters, women who cheat typically do not realize (in the moment) how profoundly infidelity affects their partner and their relationship.
Cheating hurts betrayed men just as much as it hurts betrayed women. The keeping of secrets, especially sexual and romantic secrets, damages relationship trust and is incredibly painful regardless of gender.
If a couple chooses to address the situation together, couple’s counselling can turn a relationship crisis into a growth opportunity.
Unfortunately, even when experienced therapists are extensively involved with people committed to healing, some couples are unable to ever regain the necessary sense of trust and emotional safety required to make it together.
For these couples, solid, neutral relationship therapy can help the people involved to process a long overdue goodbye.
 But cheating doesn’t have to be seen as the end of a relationship; instead, it can be viewed as a test of its maturity and ability to weather the storm.
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Headlines

Marine road collapse threatens Apapa residents, port operations as stakeholders demand urgent government intervention 

Gloria Odion, Maritime reporter 

Residents, motorists, port workers and business owners along Marine Road, off Liverpool Road in Apapa, Lagos, have raised the alarm over the rapid deterioration of the road, warning that its continued collapse could trigger a humanitarian, traffic and commercial crisis within Nigeria’s busiest port corridor.

The road, a critical access route serving residential communities, commercial establishments and port users, has developed extensive cracks and deep structural fissures, with large sections of the asphalt visibly sinking and showing signs of imminent failure.

A visit to the area revealed a disturbing scene of widening cracks stretching across the carriageway, while portions of the road have caved in, creating dangerous cavities that now threaten both motorists and pedestrians.

To avert accidents, residents have improvised temporary safety measures by placing concrete traffic drums and caution tapes around the failed sections.

However, they said these makeshift barriers offer little protection, especially at night when visibility is poor.

The situation has heightened fears that the continuous movement of heavy-duty trucks and articulated vehicles serving the ports could accelerate the road’s collapse.

Residents warned that if urgent intervention is not undertaken, Marine Road could become completely impassable, cutting off access to residential estates, business premises and key transport links along the Liverpool Road corridor, while worsening Apapa’s already notorious traffic congestion.

Beyond the safety concerns, the deteriorating road is disrupting daily economic activities.

Motorists are forced to manoeuvre around the failed sections, causing delays, while pedestrians navigate dangerously close to the collapsing edges.

Many residents attributed the worsening condition to recent heavy rainfall, noting that the cracks have expanded significantly, an indication that the underlying structure may have suffered extensive damage.

“This is no longer an ordinary pothole. The road is collapsing before our eyes. The cracks become wider every day, and everyone using this road fears the worst.

“If nothing is done urgently, we are simply waiting for a disaster,” one resident lamented.

Another commuter described the failed section as “a ticking time bomb,” warning that the weight of a heavily loaded truck or another bout of prolonged rainfall could trigger a complete collapse.

The worsening condition of Marine Road has also raised concerns about the potential impact on commercial activities within the Apapa port environment.

As one of the strategic access roads in the area, any disruption could impede the movement of cargo, workers and businesses that depend on the corridor.

Stakeholders have therefore appealed to the Apapa Local Government, the Lagos State Government, the Lagos State Ministry of Works and Infrastructure, and other relevant agencies to immediately conduct a comprehensive structural assessment of the damaged section and commence emergency reconstruction.

They argued that proactive intervention would not only safeguard lives and property but also prevent a more expensive and disruptive infrastructure failure with far-reaching economic consequences.

The residents further urged emergency management agencies to strengthen safety measures around the affected section pending permanent repairs.

For those who live and work along Marine Road, the consensus is clear: every day of delay increases the likelihood of a catastrophic collapse.

With the road surface continuing to sink and visible cracks widening by the day, they insist that immediate government intervention is imperative to avert what they describe as a looming disaster.

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Headlines

Jolapamo retrieves Ikoyi home, N473.347m from ex- wife, as court awards N5m damages against estranged wife 

Funso OLOJO with agency report 
Chief Isaac Morakinyo Jolapamo, the CEO of Molap Shipping Company, has won a hard- fought and long- drawn legal battle against his ex- wife , Ms Olufunke Otti, a former staff of the Nigeria Television Authority(NTA) and a Lagos – based business woman.
Delivering judgment in suit No. LD/3034LM/2022 on March 26th, 2026, Justice Olufolake Olufolashade Adewunmi-Oshin, declared that the property located at 23A & B Olusegun Aina Street, Parkview Estate, Ikoyi, Lagos, rightfully belongs to Chief Jolapamo and not Ms. Otti.
The court consequently ordered her to relinquish the property to him.
In addition, the court directed Ms. Otti to refund N410,347,000.00 to Chief Jolapamo, representing the outstanding balance from the proceeds of the sale of two vessels.
 She was also ordered to remit N63,000,000.00, being rental income collected from tenants between 2018 and 2021.
Furthermore, the court awarded N5 million in general damages against her.
Ms. Otti and Chief Jolapamo were formerly married.
Their relationship began at the Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries (MFM), where Chief Jolapamo had gone in search of spiritual and personal support during a difficult period.
 Ms. Otti, a senior member of the church, was assigned to assist him, and their relationship eventually developed into a romantic one.
The couple formalized their union on February 23rd, 2017, at the Federal Marriage Registry in Ikoyi, Lagos.
During the marriage, Chief Jolapamo entrusted his wife with significant business responsibilities, including the sale of two vessels—M.T. MOR Prosperity and M.T. Power—with instructions to use the proceeds to acquire a matrimonial home in Parkview Estate.
Ms. Otti sold the vessels for N810,347,000.00 and purchased the property as directed.
However, she allegedly registered the property solely in her name without her husband’s knowledge.
Their relationship later collapsed dramatically in 2019 after Ms. Otti reportedly informed her husband via WhatsApp messages, while he was abroad, that she was no longer interested in the marriage and asked him to vacate the home. They had since lived apart.
This revelation marked the beginning of a prolonged legal dispute between the couple, who had ceased living together as husband and wife since March 2019.
 Their marriage was officially dissolved in April 2025.
With the court’s judgment delivered on March 26th, 2026, Chief Jolapamo has now successfully reclaimed his property and financial entitlements.
Justice Michael Awe of Osun State High Court, Osogbo, had dissolved the eight-year-old marriage in 2025 between the Septuagenarian former President of Nigerian Indigenous Shipowners Association (NISA) and partner over threat to life by wife.
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Headlines

NIWA Lagos Area Manager, Sarat Braimah,  wins Nelson Mandela Pan African Leadership Award

Gloria Odion, Maritime Reporter 

The Stay Africa Youth Development Initiative (SAYDI) has conferred the Nelson Mandela Pan African Leadership Award on Engineer Sarat Braimah, Lagos Area Manager of the National Inland Waterways Authority (NIWA),in recognition of her hard work and dedication to national service.

The Accra, Ghana-based organisation, led by its President, Dominic Mensah, was in Lagos on Wednesday to formally present the award.

Engineer Braimah was said to have been pleasantly surprised by the honour.

According to Ambassador Mensah, the Nigerian chapter of SAYDI nominated Engineer Braimah following the positive transformation recorded at the NIWA Lagos Area Office since she assumed office.

He highlighted her promotion of students and youth empowerment, support for the Executive Governor of Lagos State, zero tolerance for nepotism and favouritism, commitment to teamwork, and selfless leadership style that reflects African moral values.

He added that her career progression serves as an inspiration to young Africans, particularly women aspiring to build careers in the maritime sector.

“Our core objective is to identify tomorrow’s leaders today by inspiring and educating young people in Africa to remain on the continent and contribute to its sustainable development across all fields of human endeavour.

“This is where mentorship becomes essential. We seek out achievers like you who have risen through the ranks to inspire other young Africans to stay back and contribute to the growth of the continent,” he said.

During the ceremony, Ambassador Mensah also presented a certificate of excellence to Engineer Braimah and announced her automatic induction into the Pan African Leadership Hall of Fame as an amazon of nation building in Africa.

In her appreciation remarks, Engineer Braimah expressed gratitude for the recognition, noting that although she had not previously encountered the organisation, she strongly aligns with its vision.

She stressed that Africa can only grow and prosper when young people commit themselves to hard work and selfless service.

“I want to sincerely thank you for this award, which I do not take for granted.

“It will inspire me to do more for my organisation, Nigeria, and Africa’s maritime development. I believe in and encourage teamwork and dedication. Therefore, this award is dedicated to my superiors in Abuja and to all those who work tirelessly, sacrificing time with family and friends, to support me here in Lagos as Area Manager. I pray that many young people will remain focused and give their best to Nigeria and indeed Africa,” she stated.

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