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Infidelity in marriage: Who is to blame?

Calister Nwaneri
Infidelity or cheating has many definitions.
 Mariam Webster dictionary defines Infidelity as the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one’s husband, wife, or partner.
Cheating occurs when there is an agreement between two partners to be in a monogamous relationship and one partner violates the agreement and engages in sexual or emotional intimacy with someone outside the relationship.
Oftentimes,  people only think of sexual relations as cheating, yet sharing emotional intimate parts of oneself with someone outside the relationship can also be considered as cheating.
However, cheating doesn’t mean the end to a relationship, I believe it can be repaired if both partners are willing to do the work it out.
There is a common misconception that it’s only men who step out on their partners and that women are always faithful.
To that, I say: Who are all these men cheating with exactly? Do married men and men in committed relationships only cheat with single women?
The simple truth is that approximately as many married  women cheat as married men.
Research suggests that 10 to 20 percent of men and women in marriages or other committed (monogamous) relationships will actively engage in sexual activity outside of their primary relationship.
And these numbers are likely under-reported, possibly by a wide margin.
In Nigeria especially, cheating amongst women is not often discussed in comparison to cheating in men.
 Mr. Obiukwu, a married man living in Lagos, in his own words, has this to say about cheating women.
“The ratio at which married men to women cheat is almost at par. The difference is secrecy, women are more coded and would most times or never flaunt it unlike a man who sees cheating with other women as a quest to conquer or some sort of ego thing”.
Franklin is a bachelor in Lagos who works hard and hardly stays at home except on weekends.
 That does not stop his 30-something-year-old married neighbour from  making a pass at him.
“My neighbour – a pretty married woman,  would always try to initiate conversation with me and when that didn’t work, she got my phone number from our gate man and kept calling me for a hangout with her.
“She even invited me to go with her to an event at her place of work. I always politely rejected her advances. Maybe if I had rudely rebuffed her, she would have kept a distance,” says the Lagos big boy.
The married woman was still on his case at the time of writing this piece.
Femi has a similar story and so does Abdullah, both of whom have been hit on by married women in their 30’s and 50’s respectively.
An independent survey also conducted in Africa by AE affirms the fact that Nigeria with a population of over 160 million, tops the chart for cheating women.
Corruption and a general distrust amongst citizens is largely responsible for this.
None of that, of course, explains why women cheat. Nor does it address the fact that women and men often cheat for very different reasons.
So Why Do Women Cheat?
From surveys carried out over the years, typically, females step out on a committed partner for one or more of the following reasons:
• They feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. They feel more like a housekeeper, nanny or financial provider than a wife or girlfriend. So they seek an external situation that validates them for who they are, rather than the services they perform.
• They crave intimacy. Women tend to feel valued and connected to a significant other more through non-sexual, emotional interplay (talking, having fun together, being thoughtful, building a home and social life together, etc.) than sexual activity.
When they’re not feeling that type of connection from their primary partner, they may seek it elsewhere.
• They are overwhelmed by the needs of others. Recent research about women who cheat indicates that many women, despite stating that they deeply love their spouses, their home, their work, and their lives, cheat anyway.
These women often describe feeling so under-supported and overwhelmed by having to be all things to all people at all times that they seek extramarital sex as a form of life-fulfilment.
• They are lonely. Women can experience loneliness in a relationship for any number of reasons. Maybe their spouses work long hours or travel for business on a regular basis, or maybe their spouses are emotionally unavailable.
Whatever the cause, they feel lonely maybe their spouses  are emotionally unavailable. Whatever the cause, they feel lonely, and they seek connection through infidelity to fill the void.
• They expect too much from a primary relationship. Some women have unreasonable expectations about what their primary partner and relationship should provide.
They expect their spouses to meet their every need 24/7, 365 days a year, and when that doesn’t happen, they seek attention elsewhere.
• They are responding to or re-enacting early-life trauma and abuse. Sometimes women who experienced profound early-life (or adult) trauma, especially sexual trauma, will re-enact that trauma as a way of trying to master or control it.
• They’re not having enough satisfying sex at home. There is a societal misconception that only men enjoy sex. But plenty of women also enjoy sex, and if they’re not getting it at home, or it’s not enjoyable to them, for whatever reason, they may well seek for it elsewhere.
As with male cheaters, women who cheat typically do not realize (in the moment) how profoundly infidelity affects their partner and their relationship.
Cheating hurts betrayed men just as much as it hurts betrayed women. The keeping of secrets, especially sexual and romantic secrets, damages relationship trust and is incredibly painful regardless of gender.
If a couple chooses to address the situation together, couple’s counselling can turn a relationship crisis into a growth opportunity.
Unfortunately, even when experienced therapists are extensively involved with people committed to healing, some couples are unable to ever regain the necessary sense of trust and emotional safety required to make it together.
For these couples, solid, neutral relationship therapy can help the people involved to process a long overdue goodbye.
 But cheating doesn’t have to be seen as the end of a relationship; instead, it can be viewed as a test of its maturity and ability to weather the storm.
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Headlines

Captain Warredi Enisuoh buries mother in a blaze of glory

The Eyewitness Reporter 

The sleepy town of Agbere in the Sagbama Local Government Area of Bayelsa state was roused to a frenzy when Captain Warredi Enisuoh, the Executive Director, Operations and Technical Services, Tantita Security Services Company, bade final goodbye to his mother, Madam Theresa Virginia Enisuoh, in an epoch-making burial ceremony on Saturday, April 27th, 2024.
Madam Enisuoh, who died on March 21st, 2024, was laid to rest in a colourful ceremony that attracted the cream of society in and outside Nigeria.
The occasion was attended by Bayelsa state government officials, the top echelon of Tantita Security Services Company, representatives of the Nigeria Maritime Administration and Safety Agency (NIMASA) where Captain Warredi Enisuoh was an Executive Director before his retirement, traditional rulers from Gbaramatu Kingdom, members of the maritime media, ably represented by the Maritime Reporters Association of Nigeria(MARAN) and the locals who thronged the venue of the ceremony in a rare show of love and solidarity with the bereaved family.
Reverend Father of St Peter’s Catholic Church Agbere, Bayelsa State, Rev Fr Cletus Okonkwo, who conducted the final burial rites, extolled the virtues of the deceased whom he described as a woman of peace.
At the well-attended reception, children and relatives of the deceased relived the fulfilled life of Madam Enisuoh which they chorused had a great and positive impact on their lives.
Captain Warredi Enisuoh, the eldest Son of the deceased, in an emotion-laden voice, recounted his close affinity with his deceased mother and how her influence and strict but godly upbringing had shaped his life.
“Mama was a woman of peace who loved her children.
“I was particularly closer to her because of her special fondness for me so much so that she regarded me as her husband.
“She lived most of her life in Canada with my younger sister and every year, during the Mother’s Day celebration, I usually went to Canada and took her out on a shopping spree” Captain Warredi Enisuoh recounted with misty eyes.
All other siblings of the Captain spoke in similar manner, eulogizing the motherly disposition of a woman popularly called” Nurse”.
It was a celebration of the life of a woman generally loved and revered by her children, family members and the people of Agbere in Sagbama Kingdom.
The burial ceremony would be an event to remember in Agbere for a long time as the occasion changed the face and fortunes of the sleepy town.
“We have had burial ceremonies in this place but this one(Madam Enisuoh burial) was different”  Rev Fr Cletus Okonkwo declared.
” Before the burial ceremony of today( April 27th, 2924), the positive impact of the deceased family had already been felt through the amenities they provided for the community.
“A week before the burial ceremony, the people in the town had begun to eat and make merry.
“This makes people to eagerly wait with bated breath for today’s event,” the Reverend Father said, pouring blessings and gratitude on Captain Warredi Enisuoh and his siblings for their welfarism and generosity.
The impact the event had on Agbere town will continue to reverberate through the town and its environment for a very long time.
The deceased was survived by five children(four men and a woman), grandchildren, brothers, sisters and aunties.
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Headlines

Captain Warredi, Tantita’s boss, buries mother April 27

Late Madame Theresa Enisuoh
The Eyewitness Reporter
The remains of Late Madame Theresa Enisuoh, mother of the Executive Director, Operations and Technical Services, Tantita Security Services Nigeria Limited, Capt. Warredi Enisuoh who passed on to glory on March 21, 2024, will be laid to rest on April 27, 2024.
The burial ceremony will take place at School Field, Agbere in Sagbama Local Government Area, Bayelsa State.
According to a burial invitation sent out by the Enisuoh Family, the burial event will take place by 10 am on Saturday, April 27, 2024.
It will be recalled that Mrs Enisuoh, fondly called “Nurse” who hailed from Agbere in Sagbama Local Government Area in Bayelsa state, died on March 21, 2024.
Family members and neighbours testified that until her death, Mrs. Theresa Enisuoh lived a dedicated Christian life.
“Mrs Theresa Enisuoh who hailed from Agbere in Sagbama Local Government area in Bayelsa state, died on March 21 and until her death, lived a dedicated Christian life,” the source said.
She is survived by five children, twelve grandchildren, one son-in-law, a brother and other relatives.
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Headlines

Fadile, ex-NIWA PR Manager, mourns death of Dardau

Late Jubril Dardau
The Eyewitness Reporter
Tayo Fadile, the former and pioneer Director of Corporate Affairs, National Inland Waterways Authority( NIWA) has eulogized the sparkling attributes of  late Jubril Dardau, the Chief image maker of NWA.
Jubril Dardau transited to the Great Beyond in the early hours of Friday, April 5th, 2024.
In a short tribute to the deceased, Fadile, who retired from NIWA as its Director of Corporate Affairs about four years ago, described late Dardau as a strong, dependable, honest, jovial and hard-working fellow.
“With heavy heart, but total submission to the will of God, we announce the passing of Jubril Dardau, the Chief image maker to National Inland Waterways Authority (NIWA).
“He was my immediate deputy when I was the Director of the Corporate Affairs Department at NIWA, barely four years ago.
“He was a strong and devoted Muslim cleric who took his faith seriously.
“Very dependable, honest and hardworking and always with a permanent smile on his face.
“He was eager and willing to learn fast on the job and required very minimum supervision and with time became vast in his understanding of public relations practice and he brought to the fore his knowledge with the effective way he handled his PR duties at NIWA.
“He will be remembered for his total dedication to duty, love for his job and strong faith in his Islamic belief.
“He has a good heart and our prayer is for God to forgive him all his trespasses and accept him to his bosom.
“Pls let us always remember that every day we live is a special blessing from God and we should not take it for granted.
“We should aspire to live a good life. Jubril, you came, you saw,and you conquered.
So Long Jubril and good night” Fadile mours
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