Connect with us

Life

Infidelity in marriage: Who is to blame?

Calister Nwaneri
Infidelity or cheating has many definitions.
 Mariam Webster dictionary defines Infidelity as the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one’s husband, wife, or partner.
Cheating occurs when there is an agreement between two partners to be in a monogamous relationship and one partner violates the agreement and engages in sexual or emotional intimacy with someone outside the relationship.
Oftentimes,  people only think of sexual relations as cheating, yet sharing emotional intimate parts of oneself with someone outside the relationship can also be considered as cheating.
However, cheating doesn’t mean the end to a relationship, I believe it can be repaired if both partners are willing to do the work it out.
There is a common misconception that it’s only men who step out on their partners and that women are always faithful.
To that, I say: Who are all these men cheating with exactly? Do married men and men in committed relationships only cheat with single women?
The simple truth is that approximately as many married  women cheat as married men.
Research suggests that 10 to 20 percent of men and women in marriages or other committed (monogamous) relationships will actively engage in sexual activity outside of their primary relationship.
And these numbers are likely under-reported, possibly by a wide margin.
In Nigeria especially, cheating amongst women is not often discussed in comparison to cheating in men.
 Mr. Obiukwu, a married man living in Lagos, in his own words, has this to say about cheating women.
“The ratio at which married men to women cheat is almost at par. The difference is secrecy, women are more coded and would most times or never flaunt it unlike a man who sees cheating with other women as a quest to conquer or some sort of ego thing”.
Franklin is a bachelor in Lagos who works hard and hardly stays at home except on weekends.
 That does not stop his 30-something-year-old married neighbour from  making a pass at him.
“My neighbour – a pretty married woman,  would always try to initiate conversation with me and when that didn’t work, she got my phone number from our gate man and kept calling me for a hangout with her.
“She even invited me to go with her to an event at her place of work. I always politely rejected her advances. Maybe if I had rudely rebuffed her, she would have kept a distance,” says the Lagos big boy.
The married woman was still on his case at the time of writing this piece.
Femi has a similar story and so does Abdullah, both of whom have been hit on by married women in their 30’s and 50’s respectively.
An independent survey also conducted in Africa by AE affirms the fact that Nigeria with a population of over 160 million, tops the chart for cheating women.
Corruption and a general distrust amongst citizens is largely responsible for this.
None of that, of course, explains why women cheat. Nor does it address the fact that women and men often cheat for very different reasons.
So Why Do Women Cheat?
From surveys carried out over the years, typically, females step out on a committed partner for one or more of the following reasons:
• They feel underappreciated, neglected, or ignored. They feel more like a housekeeper, nanny or financial provider than a wife or girlfriend. So they seek an external situation that validates them for who they are, rather than the services they perform.
• They crave intimacy. Women tend to feel valued and connected to a significant other more through non-sexual, emotional interplay (talking, having fun together, being thoughtful, building a home and social life together, etc.) than sexual activity.
When they’re not feeling that type of connection from their primary partner, they may seek it elsewhere.
• They are overwhelmed by the needs of others. Recent research about women who cheat indicates that many women, despite stating that they deeply love their spouses, their home, their work, and their lives, cheat anyway.
These women often describe feeling so under-supported and overwhelmed by having to be all things to all people at all times that they seek extramarital sex as a form of life-fulfilment.
• They are lonely. Women can experience loneliness in a relationship for any number of reasons. Maybe their spouses work long hours or travel for business on a regular basis, or maybe their spouses are emotionally unavailable.
Whatever the cause, they feel lonely maybe their spouses  are emotionally unavailable. Whatever the cause, they feel lonely, and they seek connection through infidelity to fill the void.
• They expect too much from a primary relationship. Some women have unreasonable expectations about what their primary partner and relationship should provide.
They expect their spouses to meet their every need 24/7, 365 days a year, and when that doesn’t happen, they seek attention elsewhere.
• They are responding to or re-enacting early-life trauma and abuse. Sometimes women who experienced profound early-life (or adult) trauma, especially sexual trauma, will re-enact that trauma as a way of trying to master or control it.
• They’re not having enough satisfying sex at home. There is a societal misconception that only men enjoy sex. But plenty of women also enjoy sex, and if they’re not getting it at home, or it’s not enjoyable to them, for whatever reason, they may well seek for it elsewhere.
As with male cheaters, women who cheat typically do not realize (in the moment) how profoundly infidelity affects their partner and their relationship.
Cheating hurts betrayed men just as much as it hurts betrayed women. The keeping of secrets, especially sexual and romantic secrets, damages relationship trust and is incredibly painful regardless of gender.
If a couple chooses to address the situation together, couple’s counselling can turn a relationship crisis into a growth opportunity.
Unfortunately, even when experienced therapists are extensively involved with people committed to healing, some couples are unable to ever regain the necessary sense of trust and emotional safety required to make it together.
For these couples, solid, neutral relationship therapy can help the people involved to process a long overdue goodbye.
 But cheating doesn’t have to be seen as the end of a relationship; instead, it can be viewed as a test of its maturity and ability to weather the storm.
Related Topics:
Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Headlines

NIWA Lagos Area Manager, Sarat Braimah,  wins Nelson Mandela Pan African Leadership Award

Gloria Odion, Maritime Reporter 

The Stay Africa Youth Development Initiative (SAYDI) has conferred the Nelson Mandela Pan African Leadership Award on Engineer Sarat Braimah, Lagos Area Manager of the National Inland Waterways Authority (NIWA),in recognition of her hard work and dedication to national service.

The Accra, Ghana-based organisation, led by its President, Dominic Mensah, was in Lagos on Wednesday to formally present the award.

Engineer Braimah was said to have been pleasantly surprised by the honour.

According to Ambassador Mensah, the Nigerian chapter of SAYDI nominated Engineer Braimah following the positive transformation recorded at the NIWA Lagos Area Office since she assumed office.

He highlighted her promotion of students and youth empowerment, support for the Executive Governor of Lagos State, zero tolerance for nepotism and favouritism, commitment to teamwork, and selfless leadership style that reflects African moral values.

He added that her career progression serves as an inspiration to young Africans, particularly women aspiring to build careers in the maritime sector.

“Our core objective is to identify tomorrow’s leaders today by inspiring and educating young people in Africa to remain on the continent and contribute to its sustainable development across all fields of human endeavour.

“This is where mentorship becomes essential. We seek out achievers like you who have risen through the ranks to inspire other young Africans to stay back and contribute to the growth of the continent,” he said.

During the ceremony, Ambassador Mensah also presented a certificate of excellence to Engineer Braimah and announced her automatic induction into the Pan African Leadership Hall of Fame as an amazon of nation building in Africa.

In her appreciation remarks, Engineer Braimah expressed gratitude for the recognition, noting that although she had not previously encountered the organisation, she strongly aligns with its vision.

She stressed that Africa can only grow and prosper when young people commit themselves to hard work and selfless service.

“I want to sincerely thank you for this award, which I do not take for granted.

“It will inspire me to do more for my organisation, Nigeria, and Africa’s maritime development. I believe in and encourage teamwork and dedication. Therefore, this award is dedicated to my superiors in Abuja and to all those who work tirelessly, sacrificing time with family and friends, to support me here in Lagos as Area Manager. I pray that many young people will remain focused and give their best to Nigeria and indeed Africa,” she stated.

Continue Reading

Headlines

Oyetola leads top government dignitaries to  award ceremony of Oyebamiji as most media- friendly maritime CEO

Gloria Odion, Maritime Reporter 
The Minister of Marine and Blue Economy, Adegboyega Oyetola, Mukhtari Shehu Shagari, the Chairman of Board of Directors of Nigerian Inland Waterways Authority (NIWA) and other high ranking government officials and stakeholders will converge in Abuja on Tuesday, February 10th, 2026 to felicitate with Asiwaju Bola Oyebamiji, the immediate past Managing Director of NIWA as he was being celebrated by the coalition of maritime journalists as the most media- friendly maritime CEO.
The award ceremony, themed “The Making of Oyebamiji,” is meant to recognize the contributions of Oyebamiji to the welfare and professional well being of maritime journalists while he was in office.
An appreciable number of the Coalition of Maritime Journalists are also expected to attend.
During his tenure in office, Oyebamiji distinguished himself as a reform-minded administrator with an uncommon appreciation of the media as strategic partners in sector development.
His leadership was defined by openness, accessibility, and institutional respect for journalists, setting a new benchmark for regulator–media engagement within the maritime industry.
A major highlight of his relationship with the press is his deliberate focus on journalists’ welfare and professionalism.
 Under his watch, NIWA has enhanced the media work environment by providing operational tools, institutional support, and access frameworks that enable reporters to function effectively and responsibly across the inland waterways space.
Beyond office engagement, Oyebamiji had consistently supported media tours of NIWA operational areas, giving journalists first-hand exposure to water transport infrastructure, safety operations, channel management, and regulatory activities.
These tours have helped deepen reporters’ understanding of inland waterways administration, ensuring that industry narratives are driven by facts, field experience, and informed analysis.
Veteran maritime Journalist and Chairman of the Coalition, Frank Meke, in a reflection on Oyebamiji’s leadership style, noted that the NIWA boss “does not see the media as an enemy, but as a partner in national development.”
 Refreshing that position, Meke observed that Oyebamiji’s openness has “rebuilt confidence between regulators and reporters, allowing professionalism and access to information to define maritime reporting.”
According to him, the NIWA CEO has created an atmosphere where journalists are treated as stakeholders whose engagement strengthens safety, accountability, and policy implementation on Nigeria’s inland waterways.
The Abuja ceremony is being described as an A-list maritime industry event and strategically significant, as it becomes the first major sectoral gathering since the creation of the Ministry of Marine and Blue Economy.
 Stakeholders believe the event will help consolidate collaboration between government, operators, regulators, and the maritime press under the new ministry’s emerging policy direction.
With policymakers, industry leaders, and the media community in attendance ,the presentation of the “Most Media Friendly Maritime CEO” Award to Oyebamiji is expected to go beyond celebration, serving as a statement of alignment between transparent leadership and the future of Nigeria’s Marine and Blue Economy.
As anticipation builds, the maritime industry views the event as recognition not only of Oyebamiji’s leadership, but also of the growing importance of the media in shaping a safer, more accountable, and economically viable inland waterways sector.
Continue Reading

Headlines

Ayobo residents protest deplorable road at LCDA, complain of 10- year neglect by successive local council administrations.

Hon. Agbaje Lukman Abiodun
Gloria Odion 
The angry residents and Community Development Associations (CDAs) along Alaja- Olayemi Road, a sprawling community in the Ipaja – Ayobo Local Community Development Area(LCDA) in Alimosho Local government Area of Lagos state, have decided to express their frustration and dispondency over the long neglected Alaja – Olayemi Road in their area.
Accordingly, the residents and the community leaders in the area have decided to stage a peaceful protest to the Local Council Chairman, Hon. Agbaje Lukman Abiodun, on Friday, January 23rd, 2026.
According to the leadership of the seven joint CDAs in the community, all the residents have been mobilized for the exercise.
The leaders of the CDAs told our reporter that the protest, which was the last resort press home their demands, became necessary to bring the attention of the local council administration in the LCDA to the plight  of residents over the deplorable  Alaja- Olayemi Road which they said have been neglected for over 10 years.
According to them, the CDAs leadership had in the past years made several appeals and representations to the  successive LCDA administrations who had repeatedly observed their promises to fix the road in the breach.
” Despite our years of support for the administration of All Progressives Congress(APC) led- administration in the state and the local government, the Authority has consistently failed the residents of our area to fix Alaja- Olayemi Road.
” The road is an artery of the economic activities of the area which connects several communities and settlements.
” For 10 years, this very important road had been neglected, causing pains, anguish and frustration for the residents.
” On several occasions, the residents have taxed themselves, despite paying our taxes to the government, to undertake self- help on the road but this has been of little help to ameliorate the sufferings of the people”  a distraught leader of one of the  CDAs in the area told our reporter.
“Our people are falling down,  spending millions to treat themselves. Vehicles are getting spoilt, we spend our hard earned resources to repair.
” The sick and the elderly painstakingly trek from Koloba down the road as no Keke  Marwa or Okada want to come in through the deluge of water on the neglected road”
” They promised us  2 to 3 weeks for palliative,  3 months down the line, no reasonable solution. It  has gotten worse.
“There is no effective drainage system on the road.
” Water is leaking onto the road. Haa,  they have suffered us in the last 10yrs.
” CDAs  are using our resources to fix road. Individuals contribute to repair” a female leader of the  7 joint CDAs in the area  lamented.
The residents are therefore calling on the LCDA Authority in Ipaja- Ayobo, led by Hon. Agbaje Lukman Abiodun, to come to their rescue by fixing the Alaja- Olayemi Road which is at the heart of their economic activities in the area.
They lamented the carnage which the long- neglected road had caused the residents over the period of 10 years of neglect.
According to them, lives have been lost, people have been maimed through accidents due to the deplorable road.
They said car owners could no longer use  their cars because of daily losses due to the damage done by the road.
The joint CDA leaders therefore said the protest is a wake up call to  Hon.Agbaje Lukman Abiodun to fulfill his promise made to the people of the area during his electioneering campaign in 2025.
The leaders of the joint CDAs reminded the leadership of Ipaja- Ayobo LCDA that good road is not a luxury but a responsibility of a responsible government to its people.
Hon. Agbaje, who is the incumbent Executive Chairman of Ayobo – Ipaja LCDA, assumed office around mid- 2025  following the earlier appointment of Hon. Oladipupo Oluwaloni as Acting Chairman in April 2025 after the death of the former Chairman, Mrs. Bola Shobowale.
Continue Reading

Trending